CG: He's so cute! He looks like my nephew. Is he yours?
ME: thanks - yes he is.
CG: Did he start out darker? My nephew is mixed and he was really dark at first and then got lighter. I thought it was the other way around.
ME: I didn't meet him until he was 5 months old, so I don't know. And, I don't think he's bi-racial. He was adopted from Ethiopia.
CG: OH. How long did it take you to get him?
ME: (Will this ever end?) It took 8 months before we met him. It was very short - it doesn't usually happen that way.
CG: Oh - did you know somebody or something? You must have known someone to pull strings.
ME: No, it just happened that way for us.
CG: Oh, well he's really cute.
ME: Thanks
So, it was my first time with the question, "Is he yours?" This girl was not in any way trying to be mean, she was just curious. And, most people do assume that Micah is bi-racial. I've had that conversation before - this guy told me he looked like his girlfriend's daughter (ok) and she's mixed too. I explained he's probably not bi-racial, but that he was born in Ethiopia. The poor boy looked at me like I had said he was born on Mars and said, "Oh" and walked away. I sure hope these things don't happen all the time when Micah is older.
Another conversation we found ourselves in many times at Kevin's work party was the "He's so lucky" conversation. Many times I explained that we were the lucky ones. One person replied, "Oh, I hadn't thought of it that way - that's good!" That made me happy - that he could see exactly what I meant by that.
We also saw one of Kevin's old customers at the party (it was in a casino - he was there - not with the party). He is an African-American man and instead of telling us how lucky Micah is, he told us how blessed we are. (He had seen pictures of Micah from when Kevin sold to him.) I loved that - he had tears in his eyes saying, "You all are so blessed by this. You'll see - that child is going to bless your life for years to come." I have to say, that is one of the best reactions to our adoption (from an almost stranger) that we have had. He said it right - we are so blessed.
So, I knew these things would come up, and hopefully as he gets older they will fade a bit, but I think for now I'm doing my best with the questions. Since most people assume he is "mine" and that my husband is African-American, I don't get too many questions. We get a few looks when we're all together, but nothing truly negative so far.
Ok - if you actually sat through and read all that - here are some cute pictures :)
Playing with his 'new' tigger doll - it bounces around - Micah just likes to grab it and chew on it while it bounces.
He's about to munch on tigger's tail.
With his bear from Erin, our Social Worker. The other day I was cleaning in his room and he was lying there just touching this bear's face. Very sweet.
Waking up from a nap.
hmmm... can I borrow some of that string of yours you pulled?
ReplyDeleteWe get these questions already, even though we are just in the initial stages of adoption. You got it right, people don't mean harm, but it is unusual terrain for them and they just babble.
ReplyDeleteWOW! What a wonderful thing that man said to you. I hope he is blessed in his life, too! My husband and I are an inter-racial couple adopting from Ethiopia. I am curious to see how people will react to each of us when we are with our children. Then again I'm used to people and their goofy responses from when they see us together. ;-)
ReplyDeleteStacie, That man definetly has a kind heart.He seems to know exactly how adoptive parents feel.
ReplyDeleteYou are such an amazing resource for other CHI families in the Ethiopia program, we're learning from you daily! The pics of Micah are fantastic - what a cutie!
ReplyDeleteWhat a blessing to hear from that man! It was like the Ethiopian man I met in the Chicago deli last month. He thanked me for adopting from his country...a neat moment :)
ReplyDeleteThese fellow bloggers are right! You are an awesome mom! As far encountering strangers, I have a biracial godson who is now 20 and all these years he and I have been out in public, we used to get more "stares" when he was younger, but now, I don't think I've noticed others' reactions in years!
I just smile every time you post pictures of Micah. What a precious blessing!
ReplyDeleteI know. I have kind of prepared myself for a lifetime of strange questions - although since our two girls are older and their brothers are very, very blond and blue eyed - it is pretty obvious that they "aren't really my children". My least favorite response is "what a great thing you are doing", etc...these are my kids. This is not a charity thing. So far, I haven't had one really offensive comment - just some slightly stupid ones.
ReplyDeleteMary Ellen
We've gone through the same thing, and it's tough to deal with. I just recently posted that this was the topic at our Ethiopian adoption group's recent supper. And, you're right, we are SO blessed!
ReplyDeleteYou are so right about those comments about how lucky the child is. We get that constantly and ALWAYS say, "well, actually we're the lucky ones." It kind of weirds me out when people just won't drop that! I actually get a lot of comments assuming Ben is bi-racial, because some people around these parts think I look Asian. The weirdest thing anyone ever said was, "Is this a do good thing or can you not have Real kids." REAL kids? And like you, I don't even think this person meant anything by it, other than curiosity.
ReplyDelete