Open Letter to the Kids with the Bottles

I am interrupting this blog to write the following...

Dear Kids in the neighborhood who drink too much:

Recently, I found your empty bottles in my recycling bin. While I applaud your decision to recycle, I ask that in the future you do not dump your empties in our bin. You see, everyone on the street knows that we just brought home our first child, and you might imagine their surprise when, out for a casual walk, they see the following items in our recycling:
4 empty bottles of Jim Beam
2 empty bottles of Sloe Gine (SLOE?)
1 empty bottle of Concordia Grape Wine (as if I would ever!)
and, my personal favorite, 1 empty bottle of Mad Dog 20/20
I am sure you can understand that we would not want the neighbors thinking that the pressures of being new parents were so intense that we had turned to drinking bottles of hard liquor (oh, and one bottle of cheap wine) every evening. So, in the future, if you need to recycle your empty bottles, please use someone else's bin - perhaps the family with 5 children in a 3 bedroom house... I mean, people might understand that!

Thank you,
Crabby New Mom at the Top of the Hill