tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-178648047384989609.post7583403772132598846..comments2023-07-11T06:02:55.815-05:00Comments on Real. Family.: What Would You Do? *EditedUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-178648047384989609.post-68303576323896017662008-06-17T22:23:00.000-05:002008-06-17T22:23:00.000-05:00I too am sorry that you had this experience today....I too am sorry that you had this experience today. Unfortunately, this won't be the last for you or any of us. We can only use these experiences to learn from one another. I am sure I would have wanted to fight a 5 year old but would have probably just told her that her words weren't nice. I might have found her mother too and said something...the big problem there is that this child learned this from someone and that could have opened up a whole other set of issues. I am going to watch this post to see what others would do...I am glad you posted about this, like I said, we can learn from one another.Jocelynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13797937373980987124noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-178648047384989609.post-87926496811626004382008-06-17T23:04:00.000-05:002008-06-17T23:04:00.000-05:00Oh- my heart is broken over that comment! It hurts...Oh- my heart is broken over that comment! It hurts to think that a couple of 5 year olds already think that way! My son is almost 5 and I don't think he's ever even really considered that his little sister looks different than he does. But, I too probably would have almost cried and then been frozen in what to say. Just this past Sunday, we were at the park for Father's Day and a girl, maybe 7 or 8, looked at me, then my son, and then my little girl and asked me if I was babysitting or if that was my daughter!!! It's sad, but reality is-- the kids that say these things are learning it from adults. YUCK!!<br><br>Not much advice on my part.... just shocked that actually happened to you and cutie pie Micah!<br><br>-SuziThe Redman'shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01066910172367384472noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-178648047384989609.post-52898028912428189342008-06-17T23:25:00.000-05:002008-06-17T23:25:00.000-05:00So far we have only had two off comments, both fro...So far we have only had two off comments, both from smaller children saying "Your their Mom?" in a slightly aggressive way that irritated me and ticked me off that the girls heard someone ask something. To maybe, maybe put something in prospective..when I was about 8, I called an African American boy "Buster Brown" during a school yard argument...which resulted in a big to-do and a spell in the principles office. I absolutely remember that this had nothing to do with race at all - I just thought I was calling him a shoe, but it certainly looked like I was making a racist comment...it is really possible that the little girl meant absolutely nothing harmful, but at the same time I know how sensitive I am about even the most well meaning comments, especially as my girls are aware of what is said around them. Uggh. There are some very unpleasant realities to being an interracial family!scarymelonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15260598817962083105noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-178648047384989609.post-90416419029457034542008-06-18T00:37:00.000-05:002008-06-18T00:37:00.000-05:00I think the "Is that your son or are you baby...I think the "Is that your son or are you babysitting?" question is a pretty innocent one (excluding whatever can be read into tone). I read in this book called Weaving a Family that a good response to that question of who belongs to whom is "I know, it's not obvious is it?" I loved that one because I think most people who ask that truly just are confused and mean no ill-will.<br>As for the little girls today: That sounded mean-spirited (the "run away from") part and sadly seems to be something they have learned from somewhere since I remember something in my child development/psych classes about children not noticing race until about the age of 6 or so. And even when they do, it's pretty innocent, like the 7 year old son of my friend who saw Abe for the first time and said, "Oh! I didn't know he would be brown!" with a "Cool!" sort of tone. Very cute.<br>So, I think I would have tried to track down the parent/caregiver and talked to them. And if that wasn't possible, I'd say as sweetly as I could muster something to the girls directly about those words being hurtful (though developmentally-speaking, kids don't develop empathy until a certain age, so...I dunno really. Like Jocelyn, I'll be checking back to see what others say, hopefully someone with a Ph.D in child development).Ted and Lorihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553145979283388517noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-178648047384989609.post-8265691471608657642008-06-18T03:19:00.000-05:002008-06-18T03:19:00.000-05:00Hmmm. This stinks. I don't know what I would...Hmmm. This stinks. I don't know what I would have done either! I am already so on the defensive sometimes, especially at the park, because Silas is generally the only brown child there. <br><br>I laughed when you said you called Kevin and he warned you not to get into a fight with a 5 year old. :) Thats funny.<br><br>Ok, but in all seriousness... I would have maybe said something to the kids, but I don't know what. I guess just saying "Thats not nice." I don't know. I too will keep checking back from some intelligent responses.Amy Bottomlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13210779824335611836noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-178648047384989609.post-51538137285589012322008-06-18T09:39:00.000-05:002008-06-18T09:39:00.000-05:00It sucks that it is 2008 and people STILL have dea...It sucks that it is 2008 and people STILL have deal with this. This is exactly the kind of situation Staci and I are dreading but we know it is just part of the journey of being an interacial family and are totally up for it. I don't know what I would have done in this instance. I probably would have said something out of line to the children just out of pure anger which probably wouldn't have been the right thing to do. It's too bad that you couldn't find the parents just to make them aware. It's kind of a tricky situation I guess.Kris & Staci Hanselhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08544419412582315790noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-178648047384989609.post-79845955412518056712008-06-18T11:50:00.000-05:002008-06-18T11:50:00.000-05:00Stacie,I just found your blog through another blog...Stacie,<br>I just found your blog through another blog and saw your post and just felt like I had to comment. How sad...<br> My daugher, Rylie, is from Kazakhstan and she has distinctly eurasian features (and is stunningly beautiful if you want my totally objective opionion!). I will never forget that right after we brought Rylie home, we were at the park with friends of our's. The father informed me that he thought their daughter (3) was "bothered by and confused by Rylie's eyes." This was from an educated 35 year old man! I was taken aback and said- what is she bothered or confused about? Truthfully, I don't think the little girl had any "confusion." I think it was acutally the father putting his own issues on his daughter. Perhaps she was innocently confused because she had never seen an Asian person before (kind of ridiculous if you ask me!) Either way, it opened up the reality for us that we too will have to deal with this at various points in our lives.<br>I am so sad for you that this happened, but as someone else said, it sadly won't be the last time someone will make some dumb, insensitive comment to you or Micah. <br>It is hard to distinguish between the curious comments and the truly mean spirited. But to me, this sounds mean spirited.<br>In reality, like you, I would have been totally caught off guard if that happened at the park and I probably would have done the same thing. Having a chance to think about it though, I'd like to think I would say something to the girls. Very politely. But at that age, just distinguishing certain things about them. Like how would you feel if two kids ran away from you because you have glasses, or because your short, or tall, or because you have curly hair, etc. I know it sounds kind of "After School Specialish" (yes- that is a word!) but I think with kids that young, things like that actually work. <br><br>I hope the rest of your summer days at the park are MUCH more pleasant!Sarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04666347878753553156noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-178648047384989609.post-90921611042170717612008-06-18T13:23:00.000-05:002008-06-18T13:23:00.000-05:00Oh man. I can't believe a child that young wou...Oh man. I can't believe a child that young would say that. I agree that it had to come from someone close to the girls, parents maybe? Kids are parrots. They repeat what they hear. Kids are not born racist or prejudiced either. <br><br>I hate to think there are still parents out there with this mindset, let alone instilling it in their kids. It also made me a little sad to know you couldn't find their parents. I couldn't imagine letting my child play unsupervised in a park, especially a 5 year old girl. I watched my kiddo like a hawk! So it seems like a sad situation all around for those girls. <br><br>I don't know if anything you said could've made a difference to those girls but if this happens again, don't be afraid to speak up and let them know that that kind of language and attitude is disgusting and can hurt and upset your child. <br><br>If this happens again in the future, perhaps you can just put it gently to Micah that some people still harbor such prejudices, that such prejudices are born from stupidity or lack of awareness, and that these prejudices are not his fault.Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10533697354991484845noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-178648047384989609.post-83835070024680825912008-06-18T21:03:00.000-05:002008-06-18T21:03:00.000-05:00What a awful situation, I am so sorry you had to d...What a awful situation, I am so sorry you had to deal with this. I read this post last night and I laid awake thinking how awful it must have been for you. I am glad your experiance today was a better one. I don't know what I would have done if I was in your situation I probley would have burst into tears. I think of how I will handle these type of situations when our baby comes and I don't know. I have read alot and tried to prepare myself the best I can but I still don't know how I will react.meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03519990719123861457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-178648047384989609.post-38699139169209230742008-06-18T22:02:00.000-05:002008-06-18T22:02:00.000-05:00Oh Stacie...the mood i'm in today, i'm afr...Oh Stacie...the mood i'm in today, i'm afraid i might have told the 5 year old she's a meanie!!<br>I'm glad you had the conversation with the ladies the next day.LISAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04252364780169253183noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-178648047384989609.post-66411993638362695972008-06-19T11:18:00.000-05:002008-06-19T11:18:00.000-05:00It's so great that you were able to meet these...It's so great that you were able to meet these two women, and it sounds like, gain some great perspective!Dan, Misty & Asharhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13187688477484395321noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-178648047384989609.post-24991442070421108372008-06-19T12:57:00.000-05:002008-06-19T12:57:00.000-05:00I'm still trying to figure out what I might do...I'm still trying to figure out what I might do in a similar situation. Letting the kids know that it's mean, I can handle. But I'd be afraid to ask "why" they did it, for fear of them saying something to hurt our child further!<br><br>What impecable timing that you met those two ladies at the other park. I love making new friends and realizing that they have wisdom about having been adopted or about racism that I can soak up. How great that these two ladies have already done that for you :)<br><br>(I rarely comment, but have to add: Micah's getting handsomer by the day!)Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10365372637534820799noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-178648047384989609.post-1085984370693806772008-06-19T22:45:00.000-05:002008-06-19T22:45:00.000-05:00Stacie - This is just awful, but unfortunately, th...Stacie - This is just awful, but unfortunately, the little girl(s) heard it from somewhere. I remember quite a few years ago in college. I was watching I think Geraldo and they had white supremacists and their kids on their. Some of these kids were no more than 4 or 5 and they were singing some made up song about how they hated "n___" and Geraldo asked the child if they knew what a "n___" was and te child goes, "No, but mommytold me to hate them, so I do." So sad, that there are still people like that in this day and age!!!Kathryn and Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07708744031723094043noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-178648047384989609.post-34214267315053812372008-06-26T14:48:00.000-05:002008-06-26T14:48:00.000-05:00Wow. I don't have words. We had something ha...Wow. I don't have words. We had something happen this past weekend with someone older then five and it was all I could do not to clock him. I think God allows these situations to raise our awareness of just what our children will experience as they grow up. <br><br>I love the advice those sweet ladies gave of building Micah up so much that nothing will tear him down. This is exactly how we see it, I would have confronted these girls because I feel that I'd want to know if it was my child (if my child did that we'd have some serious words) and even if the parents were rude at least maybe, just maybe it would help them think about how their words/actions affect others.Ericahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00984946345145279521noreply@blogger.com